Bonds of shame – this is a dramatic statement used to show the deeply gripping power of the internalized self-degrading feelings and thinking – believing that one (you – me – anyone) is not good enough, worthless or a mistake! The shame which is deeply embedded can be expressed in outwardly anti-social negative ways and, as well as in some “normal”sociably accepted ways (may be grandiose acts or unique or eccentric ways of being or doing). Shame is a common feeling – even a thought processing where one believes internally that they are “bad” “flawed” “fake” “weak” “ugly” “judged” “marked” “known as less-than” and many other negative producing even debilitating beliefs about one’s self and even that if their ethnic group or race or religion etc etc. The bond is that the “negative belief is wrapped around them forever… even this inner knowing – to them – is so, so, shaming and must never be acknowledged or admitted to. The bond is varied in each individual and is unique to each person so each person will face their shame in a most conscious way… and will release this long-acquired negative feeling and long-developed thought processing in their unique way and develop a way of keeping it away and strengthening the positive beliefs of their new way.
Bonds – really like chains are like heavy, grimy, noisy chains in and of the body, in and of the mind, in and of the heart and in and of the soul of a human being. Some can be easily identified, while others cannot. Yet, they – the chains can be broken and dropped away – they must be. And those source of these bonds must be fully known – qualified and quantified – exposing those from from where they came and why they were given or passed on… and then they must be kept from ever taking grip again.
Remember shame is a word… a word which many people misunderstand as something if you admit you have then it is gone. Shame can be “felt / thought” of as a weakness of you admit to having it. This is shame. The word shame can be minimized so that some – even many people ACT that as you admit once – then you are free of it – shame. This is evidence of the strength power of shame.
Shame can be made to become worse or stronger when the person does things by “doing wrong within their own lives” by “making seemingly necessary choices based in their old ways of doing life”. Many people struggle with doing wrong and struggle with maintaining a good up-standing lifestyle in private… any mistakes – those mistakes by choice or by compulsive need or accident or obsession – negative of socially accepted behavior can complicate shame in anyone fighting to rid themselves of it.
GETTING and KEEPING – INTERNALIZING IT: THE ABILITY – THE KNOWING and SHARING OF YOUR HEALING and its PROCESS – The Reward
In a safe well structured environment the healing process is so rewarding. Rewarding in the sense that you will actually feel accepted and feel whole. Hearing your own words is so unique. Maybe it feels scary at first… may you feel pain and hurt and shame… yet, with proper help – facilitation – direction you will be supported to go through memories – situations or themes of your life where you will be helped to heal that which you wish to heal AND in the way which keeps you safe and secure.
You will recall things in your life… things in a way which will be necessary for you to grow. The talking, the sharing are truly the those most important aspects of your healing. Those situations or themes which most impacting incidents – those strongest significant experiences which you feel or think have effected you in shaping or misshaping your life today or yesterday… as well as your past is part of your healing process. The telling of your personal story is for your benefit of your healing. Re-experiencing your life ways is done in a safe constructive and rehabilitating way… to foster true growth… not to test your ability to show toughness or to show how much more suffering you can grow through. What you will go through is a process which will get you to experientially “live” “feel” a level of feelings. emotions and thought processing which will allow you examine and learn more useful and healthy ways to do life… free of confusing shame.
It is important to keep in mind, that whomever you choose to help you to doing healing work with that you check them out first! Ask any and all questions regarding their healing and lifestyle – then and now. Ask about their experiences and history and note their answers and response. Note their emotional response.