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Helpful Information links and resources -
Link to get help if you are a victim of family violence
Sharing Memories, Hope and Resources
** Here is the LINK to MY Blog on OURMEDIA I share a little more about some of the days of the experience I had with taking the sacred pipe to share with homeless, actively using drugs, alcohol, solvent addicted people of the streets. The streets being around the infamous Higgins and Main Street are of Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. I learned much and as corny as it sounds - more about my own faith! I am humbled yet I am a realist and I am still a warrior... I was scared many times... yet I put my faith in God and believe me, I am not a fanatic. I had my faith tested many times. I think we should all take our faith and walk with it, share it amongst those people who are mostly one step away from death,murder, suicide and I am NOT saying this to me dramatic or sensational. Try it. You will be humbled like I was. Peace Kolas.
I share these pics, just some moments or aspects in my life. And believe me, I realize that during some of these times my I was living dysfunctionally and during some of these times I was working on cleaning-up unhealthy behaviors and SOME of the time I was living healthy!
It is with honor and respect to you, that I share these pictures an the writings here. I am here to encourage you, not to brag or create a false image or to make shame or envy for you or anyone.
I try to set straight the distortions of talking of victories. I acknowledge the need to be honest with the times and the intentions of battles and tests in life.
It is through the traditional medicine teachings and customs - that I share one these... it is that we are not to speak of our successes, our victories in a way to make others do hurtful, paining things to others or themselves.
Many of us are told to speak only when spoken to, to be quiet, to be humble. Do not brag. These were horrible times when we were defeated and facing punishment as captives, as a devastated people. It was safer to NOT talk of yours or anyone else's victories or successes. We faced annilation and we were afraid. We were shamed into being quiet too.
Many of us have been told outright to be quiet! to shut-up even! By whom and why????
NOW! By our own kind... our leadership, our parents, our captors, our persecutors... those who murdered our people and who tried so very hard to annihilate us from the face of this earth - taught us... they were bent on destroying our spirit. NOW WE CARRY THIS ON WITHIN OUR SELF - - - IT IS CALLED SHAME!!!
Remember this... The greatest of our warriors sat around with the people - the children, the women, the men... and spoke honorably of their victories over the enemies. And they taught by sharing, in a good way and spoke truthfully to all. This was in the time when we were not so diseased and unhealthy as we are today. For the last 500 years we have distorted and twisted the sacred teachings and made shamefilled situations of sharing of the victories.
Today, because we have had to learn not tell al the truth - to lie - and hide our faces, our eyes because of shame.
So now when most anyone speaks too loud for the shamed-filled ones - they will tell you that you are just bragging! To some, of who, are shamefilled, we remind them of the small vulnerable self and fear turns to anger... our unresolved anger comes through and eats away at out trust.
We all must speak our truth and of course in a congruent way as to how we feel... to allow the young to follow in the good way. It is important to be emotionally honest and to model health. To say how and why we did what we did without "leaving out" our hearts, our feelings- our spirit.
Shame in others and in self, now binds many of us to be quiet little "Indians"... to be seen and not heard. It is like trying to "be quiet and maybe we won't draw more trouble". Its a distorted way of trying to care for someone. And it is also dis-eased manner in lessening the danger to one's self?? Sounds crazy huh? Because shame has come over most of us, including me... Sometimes we (I stop) stop others from speaking about or of their successes and accomplishments. I speak of my harsh life and I speak of the worldly accomplishments... with the prayers of hope for others to heal and live a better life.
Resources and Links Recommendations
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Powerful writers and educators of history of Black People and world views tell like it is... at www.BlackCommentator.com See it!
WOULD YOU like to Link to Spirit Warrior? Send me an email @ info@spirit-warrior.ca or phone: 204 - 224 - 9520
This was such a wonderful experience... sad and happy at the same time. I was happy they were free... I was sad for the legacy of the apartheid... the oppression - the lateral oppression that follows.
I learned so much about the suffering that these beautiful people went through and still do! I wish for you all to share the hope and faith. Let's end the hatred and violence of all peoples. We can do this by opening our hearts and minds and speaking our pain and letting it go... Not criticizing one and other and disguising "religion" or "faith" or "spirituality" as YOURS ALONE... Acting as if, it were the best and / or you the most knowledgeable or the most gifted.
The most important aspect of courage is to be able to stand and love without shame... this is what will make a difference to anyone who wants to "get better" or heal or change a behavior they have that causes them problems.
I saw many similarities with my own up-bringing here in Soweto Township, South Africa, March of 1996.
I went with the then, Manitoba Grand Chief Phil Fontaine, now National Chief of Canada and Chief Arvil LookingHorse, Chief Elijah Harper and others. We traveled there to meet with Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu and others of South Africa's National Congress.
MEMORIES
I remember many things from my childhood, Much of which was depressing for me. Today I understand that I was given help - gifts from many people, most of whom I didn't know and most of whom didn't know me... BUT!
The most important part is that they knew something about what "we" as children - "we" as people where going through in the area we lived.
Today I can "see" how some people helped me and gave me the "will" to live and persevere in my hellish childhood.
I can see how they couldn't feed me, clothe me, shelter me...
LOVE ME DIRECTLY - too bad.
Yet they helped me survive - cope... by giving me the opportunities to at least get away from the ugliness of the inner-city.
I couldn't see their faces as kind faces because I was afraid from onside... and I couldn't feel any love from the people who were "not violent" to me. They showed me, what I know today as - compassion.
I am smiling as I write this and I say - Thank You - Pilamaya! I remember so many good things today and I choose to share a story of one of the angels in my childhood.
"The Grand Mrs. Noble"
It was a sunny mid-morning. I was looking for a new job and I was lost! How could I be. I was only a mile out of the city in the little suburb of Middlechurch.
Although I had never been right into this area on the outskirts of Winnipeg before... I had passed by it on highway 9, many times on my way north and out of the city. Middlechurch is on the way to Lockport, the old settler’s Fort Garry and the city of Selkirk, Manitoba.
Going around the winding river roads, I saw an “old folks" home. I thought I’d go in there and ask for help. I was “feeling” alone, isolated, this day and I couldn’t… or wouldn’t tell anyone.
As I started to walk up the sidewalk to the front door of this "old folks" home, I remembered, as a child, going to Lockport Amusement Park about 15 miles up the road. It was a time that seemed so long ago. Not a fun time… not for me as a child growing up in the slums of the city. Going anywhere away from the ugliness, bitterness and shame living in the Jarvis Avenue area, was good.
Anyways... I went in and to approach someone at the front desk to ask for direction to the "juvenile detention center, where I thought I might find a work. As I got closer to the counter, a child, on big chair, in front of a window, beside a fireplace… caught my eye. No. It wasn't a child. It was a little old lady wrapped in a blue patterned blanket. She was so tiny and upon getting closer, I saw how frail she was. I was amazed! She looked so familiar. She had such deep dark eyes and a large nose. A nose that reminded me of a majestic Egyptian queen or someone closer to me… Hmmm?
Then it hit me. There was a tiny dark eyed-haired woman, who would come twice a year, riding a big orange and yellow transit bus. With the "big pumpkin" spitting out stinky diesel fumes, parking right in front of my house, near the Salter street bridge underpass, this woman would herd a whole lot of us onto the bus.
All of us impoverished kids, about one third visible "Indians" would be loaded on and taken away. Off to the Red River Exhibition, to eat American ice-cream and ride the thrilling-scary rides. Off to the amusement park by the locks on the Red River. Places that our parents maybe dreamed of going themselves or wished they could send us. For many reasons our parents or whom ever was looking after us, could never afford to send us. Even though I was scared... the times I spent at those midways and on those carnival rides were so exciting and such wondrous events for me.
Mrs. Noble - She just sat there, her head not moving. Looking straight ahead. I walked closer, very slowly and deliberately and I knelt in front of here. I looked closer and tried to smile. I caught her eyes and she tilted her head to the side. I felt a sadness and joy at the same time... kind of like, when, you say I love to someone that you've missed and haven't seen for a very long time. Memories of little white and red stands, confectionary shacks with all kinds of food and candy and rides and lots and lots of people swarmed through my head. I was so excited. Meekly in my most gentle tone, I asked, " Mrs. Noble?"
She raised her head slightly and said "Yes."
It was her! Mrs. Noble.
I gently reached for her tiny hand and said, "Do you remember taking kids to the Red River Exhibition and to Lockport Amusement Park and to the Shrine Circus?" She answered, "Yes." I was so touched that I had tears in my eyes as I said, "Thank you." And as I said this I realized that she was tied to her chair! She was wrapped mummy-like. At first I didn't understand this... I linked to her being tied up and confined... locked up. She seemed so all alone. And this was an "old folks" home.
I just remembered her gifts to me and even though I didn't understand why she did it, I felt so "special" from her actions. I wanted and needed to let her know that I cared even more for others because of her. I said to this compassionate hero, "I came here, Mrs. Noble, to say thank you from all those kids you helped so many times. You gave us all so much hope and helped us escape from the old North End.
When I think of what you did for me I feel so much happiness and
I thank Wakan Tanka - God for you Mrs. Noble."
With her eyes shining she asked, "How can you remember those days so long ago?" I choose to remember those good times because they were the best times of my childhood." I replied.
I fought back tears as I gently hugged her and I couldn't look her in the eyes and I said "Thank you... Good -bye Mrs. Noble."
As I walked to my car, I cried silently and smiled inside. I didn't get to ask where I was or where I was going to, but I did find a treasure. This little white woman... She brought hope to me in those desolate times of my childhood... After all, she is the grand Mrs. Noble - an angel.
Pilamaya - Thank you, Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all related. July 1989
Email me at: info At spirit-warrior.ca
I shared this memory to help my self... and to kindle a memory in you about a human being, a person, that certain someone who took notice of you and did a kindness.
I first wrote about this 14 years ago. I write this as a dedication to a wonderful person who gave me and others. To acknowledge relief from the misery - the poverty and violence that engulfed me and all of us all in the slums in and around Jarvis Avenue in Winnipeg's North End in the 50's and 60's. I honor all the dedicated wonderful human beings who helped were there for others less fortunate.
Prayers for all who have visited here and may love grow for your self... and be shared to others.
Remember to live free is to live true to your feelings... to know that even though the mind must be strengthened to help you to deal with emotions. Emotions will push through everything - like a single blade of grass will push through concrete. Emotions have energy - energy to be alive... it pushes through the human-made concrete, cement of a burnt-out city. Heal your heart and feel all your Creator given emotions. Sort out your feelings , learn them and model for all who are in your past, present and future... In loving kindness 2006.
You can phone me Jaye La Vallee directly at
PHONE: 00 - 1 -204 - 224 - 9520
or email me at: info (AT) spirit-warrior.ca
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