PEACEFULNESS
When you have been affected by disturbed or distorted up-bringing and or relationships within your life
The the only way to living peace is to understand why and how you are not peaceful inside.
It is usually out of terror - terror being greater than fear - and you act out aggressively or maybe you are the door-mat type where you just let others walk all over you.
Or maybe you flip-flop out of both ways of covering your disturbance.
I know that peace is tied in with how I feel about myself and that I alone must want to have peace within my heart and mind... and thus in my life.
Raise your children in peace... share your life with your partner in peace.
Peace begins within you and ends with you... it is when you right the wrongs in your heart and mind and in your relationships that you will live peace.
Blessings shared.
Peace
The EagleWho Only ThoughtIt Was a Chicken
A big egg wasbrought to a local farmer one day. The egg was an eagle egg. So he put it in thenest of a chicken to see if it would hatch. Well, It did. Andthis eagle grew up with chickens. The eagle went around pecking and high steppingrather jerkingly. Looking and acting cool as a chickenis.
The eagleonly knew itself as a chicken. This is why it would peck and cluck orchirp and even squeak around. When the chickens would get spooked, theeagle would get spooked. It would walk and eat around with thechicken. Round and round they'd all go. When the chickens would getupset or frantic so would the eagle. When the chickens got scared sowould the eagle. It was a mass choreographed line-dance that they allknew to do. And for sure when the chickens would run around frantically, eagle did too.
Now keeping inmind that eagles are, not only way bigger than chicken, but they areway smarter too. Don't get me wrong chickens are beautiful people too.Yes, I said people. So as the eaglegrew, it began to have some difficulty in doing things the way the chickens did. For instance when the chickens would stretch out their wings and flapthem, this got the eagle into some trouble with the chickens. IN doingthis the eagle would make a whole lot of dust and kin the process -would knock over a few of"its fellow chickens".
Thosepoor little chickens getting knocked over by the eagle were usuallyvery upset, but because chickens did not have such good memories, theyforgot about right away. The eagle did not forget. It had a good memory.And the eagle was usually upset with itself about hurting the littlerchickens.
Oneday something significant happened... a great shadow came over the chickens. They all scream-squawked and ran into each other and over each otherand hid. It was chaos! The eagle saw something huge come down and graba little chicken with an explosion of feathers and dust. This shadowwas of a big scary bird. It completely scared everyone!
Asnormal cam back and the dust was clearing, there were this little bitty feathersalong with some big ones fluttering down to the earth. Like snow in a slow motionshow: this is what the eagle saw. It was odd and inspiring sight...wondrous.
The eaglewas not so comfortable stretching, but only because it knew it washurting his family and friends. Yet, it knew it needed to stretch andexercise to feel better and feel balanced and in harmony withlife. It chose to carefully stretching itself because it caredto get along with the other chickens. Rightfully so, after allhe was a domesticated chicken, errr eagle.
Oneday the eagle felt a surge of natural energy and just wanted tostretch-out... so it did. With one big hop and great big "WHHHOOSHHHhhhwwhhoooooof"- ending with a bullwhip "FWAAP"! Magnificent beautifulwings were fully opened!
Thesun was hot and high and right behind eagle. Eagle cast a greatpowerful shadow. The littler chickens saw it first and they ran and hid.Just like they always did. Wow! Eagle waited to see if the explosionof a chicken and dust would happen... but it didn't. Odd.
Another daycomes round and with it comes the killing shadow. It is higher up andEagle looks up to see how and what it is. Huh? It is not a chicken. Itlooks scary and powerful. Eagle "feels" to take a closerlook at this "shadow bird". Eagle sees the shape, and yet,cannot understand anything about this big scaryshadow. The shadow shape looks familiar to itself when it would stretch out.
Eaglesfeels that it must stretching more. Eagle thinks it is more tighter init growing muscles... it's flying muscles. Powerful muscles thateagles have naturally. Yet, Eagle cannot understand what is changingwithin. And no one can show the eagle what to do - no one.
Eaglegoes to pecking and poking at the seeds and stones and whatever elseis around the yard. And goes on being with its family of chickens.After all it still thinks it is a chicken. But, something ishappening... the eagle is getting confused with it feelings of pent-uppower and this little inkling of "it" not belonging here -here amongst the chickens. Eagle is getting a "deeply personalmessage" that it is being called to be somewhere else and to besomething else. Like something "gnawing" at the heart, thesoul, the very life force of the Eagle who thinks it is a chicken.
Whowill the Eagle turn to to be a fully participating eagle in the familyof chickens?
Whowill do that and how will that happen?
Thisstory is about you - I - or that special someone in our life who needsto know that they are the beautiful eagle amongst beautifulchickens. I write this to present the eagle situation as ametaphor for being raised in confusion, of being told to "act andlive within the rules, regulations and guidelines of the place you arein... to learn, to follow, to live and not break the rules of how youare raised. Of maybe never remembering what went on or how andwhy things were done.
Inthe grand rules of good life... in the way of truth and justice,Eagles are as magnificent as chickens and all deserve to be treatedwith in the good way. I wish to impress on you that it does not takegreat effort to find the way for a deeply and negatively conditionedperson to "get a break - a chance at justice and freedom"...we must believe and we must put our hearts and minds together and giveall of our energy to helping others to feel safe and trusting to wantto heal. This is the work we must all prepare to do and to see it toits full resolution.
Maythe creator give us all the eyes to see our beauty and to live asfamily in this Great Circle of Life
Kineese -Little Golden Eagle (Ojibwa)
Akicita Wakan Mani - Spirit-warrior walks and talks (Lakota)
Dedicatedto The Raven Clan
The work I do is transformational. It is about healthy healing-change and to do with changing your emotional relating. I have done my own healing work and training in and I based my system in experiential psychotherapy / psychodrama and along with what I have learned from the traditional ways, I have made slight alterations to come up with this model of helping others. The goal is to foster the safe and relevant bringing-up of new emotional experiences related to old life-ways and styles and use these for re-doing the old ugly ways learned earlier. Sometimes these "memory experiences" need to be scrutinized and looked at closely so that distortions or disturbances can be sorted out.
We must remember that it usually is intense emotional experiences and suffering which caused us to ask for help. This asking is usually done with some extreme behaviors happening - like drug-overdoses or being criminally charged or a violent incident happened. That's if the person lives or gets out of the "ugly predicament" or "it" with all their faculties - their common sense. It is my hope and prayers that struggling people seek help before their troubles become addictions!
For far too many people today, many deeply-conditioned people, will seek out are part and parcel of what makes them feel alive and it usually is trouble and fighting and arguing and threats... this is the legacy of low self-worth or distorted view of love. And in this work, I help the participants to re-visit and review their memories and their understanding of what and how and why it happened and how they "see and feel" the affect on them. Sometimes these memories or re-experiences need to more work to "link" emotionally and cognitively to the participants ways of doing relating today. This is sometimes very difficult because the participant carries so much shame about their "negative" behaviors and they have built up such strong defenses. Some have a difficult time admitting to their abusiveness.
I take as much time is needed to get the participant to be intellectual connected to the process and actually learn it and share it with others. I assist the participant to learn and accept their true resources and resilience. These situations can be bad or good and feel so threatening that we may begin to feel overwhelm. This is when slowly the process down is important and reviewed to the point where the participant will regulate their defensiveness and trust the process more.
Most people have really learned to be alone with their suffering - most have learned to be dishonest or honest to their knowledge base or their present point of reference. This being alone with tough and even unbearable emotions is what we need to change and then we can change the power base and make healing change - rather than "fight-struggle-argue-change". This "aloneness" is really the core of the dis-eased state of the troubled participant and this is what transformational re-training gets at.
Many will come to the place where they "think and want others to think alike" that maybe having a new relationship or trading in your old partner or just stopping/quitting your addiction or promising to "not-do-it-again" troubling behaviors again or listening to another's may seem the "instant relief" and "feel and think" that is enough - when really it is the beginning of facing the reality without these "coping and surviving" ways.
It is hard "row-to-hoe" ot get at the weeds growing in your garden when you won't or can't admit to the beginning of your "training or conditioning" to be troubled. Being able to admit to being alone and feeling lonely is part of this beginning. Defensiveness is part of the protectionism. New and old ways to maintain being and doing it by-yourself will be used. With as much strength and aggression necessary because we have use then for so long... these are defenses which really disrupt growth and development. These defenses look like "acceptable" to many people and even "honorable" but they also block ability to access resources. More pain and shame contribute to more defensiveness - it is an endless cycle. Some people will have enough and will "try" to get appropriate treatment.
Participants in this work will learn to process intense emotional experiences and resolve old ways of fighting and defending their true self - thus learning to take care of themselves without the violating eruptions of emotional content! Those memories and related feelings need no longer be feared because we fear the outcome for us. These memories could be joyous or loving... it is the not-really-knowing what was going to be the result of their intervention into dysfunctional relating and living. After all it is the troubles that cause us troubles and we look for love.. and we should be looking for real love. When we get to know what real love actually is.
Memories usually lie deeply lodged within our "conditioned" understanding of life. We are usually made to feel responsible for our own demise and we will usually cover for those responsible or we will keep in chronic-blaming. Both are so destructive. The troubles are deeply embedded in our minds, bodies, emotions and in all of our relationships... We must learn to re-activate our natural responses to being abused and misused and then change these processes with all of our faculties.
When you find hope in your reasons to be more hopeful that a relationship has more potential than what is being shown and you can put your "old" defenses aside and that individual can choose to actually risk leading with their genuine, spontaneous responses and resolve them. This is the beginning of the end of dysfunction and the beginning of facing your fears and shames. This is what the training is all about or at least some of it! I help others to facilitate "old stuff" through its re-affirming their worth.
This is just a synopsis of what this re-training is all about. It is not a "emotional-by-pass" event, nor it is a "spiritual-orgasm"... It is about addressing troubling lifestyles and behaviors... and more explicitly stops people from killing themselves and or others!
Please become willing to understand that you are worthy of love. Love is not abusive, nor is it dishonest... do not settle for crumbs for love.
| MANY PEOPLE SAY - I am going to grow up tobe a bigger better stronger person than I am right now. I am going togrow-up to be someone other than what I am right now. I see myself asmore or less a powerless nothing - a nobody of real significance. Inever again want to feel and think powerless like I am rightnow. I do not want to be confused by powerlessness and shame asmy mother or father. I will work to grow upto be a better person to be that "special someone" andright now I am not so sure about what exactly this will be like. Yet, I will try very hard. I do not know how really. Eventually,I wish to be someone who can stand and not be picked on ever again.Because I will know what they will want me to be and I will play thegame of life. I want to grow up to be real and not pretend. Andif I must pretend then I want this way to be lifestyle that will berelatively healthy and safe and easy to do. Either wayI hope I can be sufficiently knowing and accountable and responsibleenough so I have the least amount of stress and strain in my life. Iwant to live as real to real as possible without too much trouble. In growing up to be someone I wouldlike to be considered accepted and to be made to feel a part of thetribe. have experienced actual situations first hand and read about a few accounts of people who struggled with being included or accepted as being a "member" of a particular tribe of an Indigenous Nation of North America. What I write here is not totally about anyone in particular, although I will refer to parts of what some of these people have said. This subject is sad and hurtful for all involved. HEYYOU! ALL OF YOU! Andshame is your tribe! Whenyou release your self of this shame then you will be one of the peopleagain. The depth and power of the continuing problems around the issue of who is ignorance around this issue must be seen for what it is. It must be recognized as it started and its full intention. How this issue has affected everyone. How it has always been and how it still is a disturbed "natural" part of many peoples. Individually and as society, each of us must recognize that the terms, names and misrepresentation of the indigenous peoples of North America is intended to keep the embedded in the hearts and minds of all people - including "Indians". The annihilation - the total disintegration of a. that is "Indian" is the goal of the systemic racist process when dealing with "Indians" and their problems. It must be seen as intentional and accepted as this at within this issue is partly because of the names, the words and the terms used in talking about this issue. The intentional dishonoring of a people. is not confusing. around the names referred to here. First off, the term "Indian" is wrong. Each tribe has its own particular name and today many of those names are wrong. Many of the peoples of tribes have been intentionally separated and disconnected from their original tribe. NOONE CAN MAKE ANYONE ELSE TELL THE TRUTH because TRUTH IS IN ITS ENTIRETYOF ALL OF IT IS and NOT JUST THE PART THAT YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH. We must come to the truth about our own truth! This is the truthabout our self. This includes why wefight or don't fight. Why we stand in dignity and with integrity. How we fight. Wemust come to an inner knowing and understanding and moral value of ourtruth. We must be willing to see that when we are truthful about who we are and how we have beenliving: how we have been expressing our self: How we feel andthink about our self. Without this we will not have the true heart andmind to help others... this is the core of being in real - true -relationship within the circle. I have felt the hurt,and the shame of "feeling", "thinking" and "believing" that Idid not belong anywhere. That i did not have "the right" nor "the choice" to saythat I belong, that I am not a part of a particular Native North Americantribe. I did not belonging anywhere. There is no other way to resolve thisissue - for any of us. First and foremost, each of us must be preparedto be open and honest about our reasons, our motivation for s. become acutely educated... about our self and about the systemic we must learn the real truth about what happened to our self. Wemust learn about and understand and settle with the truth about thewhat happened to "Indians" of this land. Each of usmust become completely open and honest conscious - about who weare. We can only approach this situation by knowing how and why we arethis situation has become the way it is today. And we mustqualify and clarify our own disposition, our own we are intaking this stand his particular fight or stop the manipulation and fixing up ANATION Says WHO IS THEIR CITIZEN AND WHO IS NOT Many people who fight and struggle withinthis issue are in a vulnerable sate emotionally. They are disturbedand distorted in their truth about what is really going on and howthey need to resolve it. To a certain extent they are are aware thatthey are emotionally and relationally troubled and some of them arewilling to do more hurtfulness to not face their truth around who, whyand how they are in this issue. While some are not fully able tounderstand their attitude, their approach and their is the totalresolution of outcome , their attitude is affecting them, other andalso how they are not willing to understand how they are furtherdeepening the systemic racism of this issue. the affecting the others,as well as further interfering complicating the the ed. And howthey are way and they are not willing or capable of understandingtheir deeply intimate reasons for choosing to claim to be a part of aparticular "tribe". Usually, the person has suffered lossesin their family of origin and they have not understood, nor do theywant fully understand what is going on inside of them. Shame - unresolved shame - is thecore emotion behind a person's inability to live in a truthful.,peaceful, creative and productive relating way. And this unresolvedshame will make it impossible for us to live in a healthy, welland balanced way with our true self. Within our own skin. Shame isabout our self and our worth and our connection to our family. Shame will not let us live with our understanding about who we are andwhy we are. Why our family, friends and significant others are the waythey are and how this thinking and feeling and belief is affecting us. tobe a citizen of a nation is a matter of your heart and mind Itis known that if you have one drop of the blood of that nation, thenit is your nation. To be part of that nation: You are born intothrough your mother and/or father or you are formally adopted intothat nation through the appropriate ceremony. You cannot claim thatnation to be yours just because you want to. Arealty is this - A north American native person cannot become a whiteperson, yet, a white person or black person or other race person canbecome a citizen of a Native North American Nation! Meegwetch, Tansi, Egosi, Pilamaya, Mitakuye Oyasin |
In Living True - Healthy and Well
To make inner change which is positive, lasting and balanced change - there must be compassion. Compassion with honesty and directness. Honesty is made through understanding ALL the "whys and hows" - the wrongs which are done, which can be done and also, how the wrongs happened". This is a major part of the process to healing change and it is really about creating safety through truth relating. No gimmicks and no manipulation.
The key component is about offering a real change which lasts and which is easily reachable and then easily maintained... this always means eliminating the shame part of the actions/behaviors/history of one's life.
I believe that everyone when given an honest, truthful opportunity with love... to address, accept, and change a difficult or troubled life... can and will change for the better. The approach is with compassion. Everyone will be positively affected with the spoken, shown and modelled way to live true.
This is certainly not about being perfect... and it is not about demanding participation... yet, it is about being truthful and honest AND lovingly asking others to stop abuse and misuse and decepetive living.
Be strong and be well and share your goodness in the only way goodness is.
Pilamaya, Meegwetch, Tansi, Egosi
The Following Article is written in response to a deep ugly, extreme hurtfulness... it is about the ugliness of predators claiming to be helpers/healers! BE AWARE! This is about how TOO MANY PEOPLE choose to misuse and mix-up the ways and work of healing change. It is also about people choosing to follow these false ways and stay sick and fucked-up! This deception is done with intentional manipulation and in confusing way to keep people entertained and engrossed in "never-ending" confusion. These are the people I refer to as "NEW-AGERS", "PHONY-MEDICINE PEOPLE" or those "INCOMPETENT-PSYCHO-SOCIAL-MENTAL-HEALTH-WORKERS". They mix-up the words and meanings mis-using, mis-representing traditional teachings and methods with contemporary ways and mix-in some of their own made-up lies. They spread pile of "Philosophical Bull-Shit". They are that kind of person who "willfully" talks of "lightness" and "darkness" and cannot speak or show or demonstrate or teach a disciplined sensibility to anyone else... so they create followers. Like a guru does. Like a cult does. They create dependent followers out of many desperate people... and no one ever gets better!
What is the use of just getting more information or learning more techniques that are supposed to help you to live better, when your emotional and intellect are not disciplined or strong enough to see you carry this out? How do you get your emotions and intellect prepared - balanced and strong - so that you can actually use these new functions and ways and at te same time - deal with your resulting feelings and thoughts as well as your old beliefs and values? How is this new way going to stay when you get under some real strong stress? Will you conduct yourself in a proper manner? This is not likely possible, if you do not exam your true negative lifestyle and behaviors. Without actually working on and resolving your real core thinking and feeling within your real true self - you will not be fully prepared to do the good way of like that you want to do. You will not be able to sustain it. You know - keep it up! In order for you to live in an acceptable and fully functional way, you will must start with honesty and directness about what you want to achieve and what you are doing right now! not be able to carry the out this new way to a good, healthy and well result or conclusion? I say this because anyone who gets help, anyone who does this work at getting better at living life must - not just should - must be able to actually say this -
AS A PERSON TAKING PART IN HEALING - YOU MUST - EACH PERSON MUST ACTUALLY BE WILLING AND ABLE TO SAY OUT LOUD - OUT LOUD - HEARD BY THEMSELVES AND BY OTHERS WHO ALSO, OPENLY WITNESS AND ACKNOWLEDGE EACH OTHER AND THEN EXPLAIN THE SAME HEALTHY "GOOD" INTENTION... AND THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING HERE, AND HOW THEY ARE BEING ABLE TO SAY WHY THEY ARE HERE DOING THIS HEALING CHANGE WORK!
WHY they are taking part in this work. WHAT happened what brought them here in the first place.
What they know that needs to be changed to end their personal troubled way of life.
And on your healing journey, you may be referred to as having a spirit guide, which some may also call your totem or your clan or your animal guide... either this must be explained in a sensible and understandable way. In a way which you can actually use this knowledge to help you make healthy and well sense of why and how you change your ways. This is a wise and emotionally safe and sensible way. This is true wisdom developing. And no one can or will take advantage of you. No one will misuse you or abuse you or others in your presence. This is, after all, all part of wisdom. And wisdom does not hurt. While many people find strength and safety in getting more information - it takes much more than knowledge to make lasting and sustainable change. This understanding comes only with truth and sensibility. If it is not done this way many will never really able to use it. At least use it to live better and live more healthy and well.
Animal Spirit Guide Way
Are you an animal? What is your animal spirit? Do you recognize your self as this animal? Do you act like that animal? What is your animal way? What does this animal way really honestly look like within your life? If you were around this animal how would they be with you? Do you know how your animal behavior would fit within human life? Why do some animals kill their on? Why do some animals eat their young?
Working With A Person
In working with a real live human person, I must become part of this person's animal spirit or understand how to be with that animal and be honorable and respectful and keep myself and them safe. I along with my own animal must sit and relate as "gifts" of Creator and become part of the Great Circle of Life and be fully aware and conscientious in how and why I am relating to all parts of the participant and to the process AND to myself! All is inclusive... I am honest of who and how as I am. This participant sits in full awareness of me and I of them. A person's spirit guide sits in agreement to sit with me and my spirit guide. This healing change process is about real people who are having real difficulties with trying to work to be living true and having a fully functional and relevant relationship. Ultimately it is to have A relationship with their true self! Every part! And this is usually the part that have hidden... because they have hidden or pushed or forgotten about their truth about their growing-up and or their family-of-origin and now the have... drugs or alcohol or some other disturbance further complicating their attempts to live free.
Healing change is confusing when the person facilitating chooses to confuse the participant... The participant must ask for peace and safety and this will come to be known as "love and compassion"... when our will is brought out into the open... where we keep out words and actions AND not just in our mind and in our heart as to why we first needed to and decided to seek out help... help to find our better way to live life... our better way to learn to love our self and to give and share it with others.
Know why you want and need to change and keep strong to stop the hurting and abuse. I pray for this for all my children and yours. I pray for this for my mother and all her children and your mother. I am thankful for this day and for the ability to see, hear and learn to right the worngs in my own life and to help others. Blessings shared.
It is no secret that I personally tried most of the different professional helpers and healers and many traditional people as well to change my life. I believe that each of them tried to assist me as best they could. Some had very limited, even poor ability. I have written about my struggles with others and with my own self in working on do healing change in my own problems. Though I too part in many modalities of healing change / behavior modification and emotional intelligence, I eventually accepted that I needed to understand and deal relevantly and effectively with emotions and relating and relationships. I chose people who accepted my self and my struggles and my problems. I always thought how difficult it is for me to face my wrongs and all the difficulties I had and still have in my own life. So I really know how that sometimes hope and faith and belief are hard to keep, even once you think that you understand them.
Crime is rampant here! Crime is rampant for too many "Aboriginals"! Courts are backed-up. Jails are over-crowded and dangerously explosive. More than 70% are "Indians or Aboriginals". The Canadian Aboriginal Truth and Reconciliation just ended here. City of Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada: Murder and Crime Capital of Canada |
Manipulation, Arrogance, Tricks, Ignorance, Elitism -
Are not to be part of healing change for anyone and anyone taking part in a healing change process must be given honesty, directness and of course compassion. The person(s) facilitating must be able to demonstrate the capacity and ability to relate to the participants and the reasons they are taking part and yet, the larger social problems must be addressed in
The process of healing change is a definite one. It is definite in that anyone entering into it will be affected in a positive way. This positive way is where they will be stimulated to know what is needed to face within their lifestyle and with their personal self. Part of this is to look at their present lifestyle and their ways of doing life. What is most important about this healing change is to establish a proper and relevant relationship within the process for everyone and that this relating must conducted with honesty and compassion. Honesty must served by all for all. And it must be in the only way honest is - honest! And yet, compassion and intelligence must be the foundation of this good way.
Real strong healthy and well - fully participatory and functional relating must be the basis of this process of relating between the facilitator and the participant will be set to establish trust. This will take place by explaining the re-training with emphasis on the basic elements of the techniques will be. At first
An example of systemic violence - At the Winnipeg Truth and Reconciliation I witnessed - heard one man - an Aboriginal man - an Anglican Minister - compare the attempts of the Aboriginal people here the truth and reconciliation here in Winnipeg, Manitoba to the black people of the Congo... he said that the suffering of the Black peoples suffering was real and that "Indians" here - complain to much. These confessions or attempts to deal and heal from our present troubled situation is really "complaining". He said this as his grandchildren sat there. I bite my tongue and understood that shame was a huge factor in this man's life... I also believe that he found escape and not acceptance in his choice of faith, belief and religion. I prayed for him and others around him. Enough for now. Pilamaya, Mitakuye Oyasin
"Build it and they will come"
This is what is said in the movie "Field of Dreams" - This is where a farmer turns his corn field is turned into a baseball field so that baseball greats - now ghosts - can have a place to be real - to play baseball once again and he can experience a loss of his father.
Sounds simple enough to just build a place and those needing will come and really use it. This is only in the movies especially when it comes to the Canadian Aboriginal Truth and Reconciliation Process.
TRUTH AND RECONCILIATION
Good intention is only wonderful if and when those people in charge are honest and healed about their own problematic relating and their own mistrust, fear, harshness and hostility towards our very own people. And this is the un-preparedness and lack of capacity which I am saying is being overlooked and avoided - at the cost of all people. This is what is wrong... again!
This truth and reconciliation process of Aboriginal or Native Canadians is flawed! While it has been fashioned after the process implemented in South Africa which was formed to deal with the ugly and disturbing behaviors of apartheid in South Africa. It was not designed to resolve or heal the affects and results within the people who were abused during this racist era of apartheid. It also could not deal with the lateral violations. Neither Black on Black, tribe against tribe or colored against others were addressed in any depth. Oh sure pain was expressed, but the deep affects were not - I repeat - were not resolved or healed. The process in South Africa was to address and resolve the SOME of the crimes, the atrocities by the oppressors and to some extent SOME of the lateral violence amongst the oppressed.
Next week June 2010 - Here in Canada - Winnipeg - the very organizers are struggling with the magnitude of this task. They are already claiming our people will not show up. WHY? Their task is to implement the Canadian rendition of South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Process. These organizers or leaders are struggling because of their own ignorance! Sadly, this is a natural part of the un-preparedness of the attempts to support, assist and help our people to heal... as I said earlier. They do not see and they do NOT want to see that this what is behind their attitudes and the cause of the reluctance of so many of OUR "aboriginal" people to NOT WANT TO TAKE PART in this Native Canadian Truth and Reconciliation process. Do they not see their part in the mistrust?
Our ingrained ignorance is so very difficult to accept. And perhaps right now - you are a person who cannot - will not and does not want to see the truth about how we abuse each other. And how we play into the dysfunction of the present "helping" system. Can you accept why OUR very people are the cause as to why our very own people do not want to attend AND can you accept why so many of our own will not be supported or helped directly to attend? Do you realize that hundreds of "particularly selected" helper / healers / support workers and government people are already "looked after" and PAID MONEY to wait for OUR PEOPLE TO COME FORWARD. Do you really think that they will go in front of "elite" strangers and tell their pain and shame?
There are a whole lot of residential survivors and their families, friends, and affected acquaintances... who will not venture from the familiar environment and go amongst those who "appear" to be elitists and specially favored.
The PROCESS of Truth and Reconciliation for Canada's Aboriginal people is another application of a healing process for making real, lasting, positive change from some deep, deep disturbing anti-social lifestyle and living ways afflicting too many aboriginal people here. It is another inefficient (really not sensitively thought-out, nor skillfully prepared understanding and methodology) attempt by some of the same people (with the same dysfunctions) to implement another healing attempt for Aboriginal people. This process which hopes and claims to do healing change from the effects, affects and the results of historical and generational imbedded distorted and disturbed behaviors from colonizers and colonization and particularly the deep, deep abuse resulting from residential schools... and don't forget foster care and other societal institutions.
This process will not succeed. And not because I am writing this.
It will not succeed because at he core is the "Process" is really limited thinking on the part of the PEOPLE who thought if this particular approach and then the people who said let's do it this way and use this methodology. And please remember and not forget that the original person "selected or chosen" to lead this process was "manipulated and coerced" out of their position of leading and the process was wrought with intimidation and fighting amongst our own healing leaders. These are the healthy leaders which the very people to be helped must aspire to be like or look forward to doing life with!
This process will be a success for a few people in that it will help them to get enough freedom - hope - to deal with the disturbance within their own-self and within their family and community.
** For the amount of money being spent. Spent most on the support staff... and NOT ON GETTING THE VICTIMS OF THE RECENT (last 100 years) "INDIAN" RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS to get to the "meeting place" of "beginning again" the healing process of Aboriginal people. **
This process will be a failure in that it will not help or address enough people to make any sustainable measure of support or resource for helping anyone else. Hence the truth and reconciliation process will only cause a little diversion from the generational and historical shame and pain of our learned and embedded dysfunctional living. This truth and reconciliation is another dog and pony show, another smoke and mirrors trick of healing change... which will give little to the cost in dollars and little in addressing the extreme damage resulting from generations of oppression, suppression and lateral violence amongst our own people.
What is right with the Truth and Reconciliation of Canada?
Good intention is not enough!
Especially when it the process is run by people who are not fully aware, nor prepared and will not relate as equals and in the good StrongHeart way and keep every one safe and loved and able to express all disturbances and distortions to resolution. The organizers - in my opinion - intentionally cannot and will not fully prepare because they cannot.
If they did they would have healed themselves first - fully.
In their present state they cannot manage the enormity and degree of damage done to our people and this is what they people know too.
Also there is the harshness demonstrated amongst us and by the organizers - the intelligent or ignorant lateral violence we now do so skillfully.
This is the same stuff which caused the first headman of Canada's truth and reconciliation process to leave... intimidation and coercion.
This type of ugly treatment is very difficult to address and even more difficult to get anyone to admit to, especially by people in power and in charge.
I continue to work with individuals - Native people and others - ALL PEOPLES. I have experienced the harshness of our people and I have committed this harshness.. It is based in fear and shame and this is what must be healed in each of us. First, we must address this lateral violating. And we must first address this as healers helpers. And when we plan these strategies we must consider our own biases, our own prejudices, our own shame - this is what the people feel from us and this is what makes any process unworthy of them sharing their spiritual journey with us... any of us.
Good intention and good catchy phrases mean very little when our people's respect, integrity and dignity are being dishonored and played with... so you can build something and yet, you must be able to be an active part of the process... you are not above the people who were made to feel as sub-humans and had all their worth disturbed. Remember colonization made some of very own people the "overseers" the people in charge over their own - our own.
The answer is not money and was shown by the money paid out to survivors and yet, if you pay for a whole lot of helpers... expect the people to see this as another "Hang-around-the-fort-indian-ACT"
This Canadian process is flawed! And must be more than a show for "public understanding" and perhaps sympathy. Very few of our people - Canada's victims - and their families and relatives will come forward. The troubled lifestyle and inclusion in mainstream society will not get better. The damage and damaging will continue.
I see the un-prepared organizers as opportunists who will play the game, make their money and provide more excuses for the bigots and racists to see they results of this latest ill-prepared attempt at resolving the effects of our colonization as a waste. The process has started again and again it is not well or healthy. Who suffers? We all will as we all do now. When you come to know and feel confident... when you can feel safe to admit that you are wrong... you must do this - Admit this and be open and honest and honorable and heal your self. Can you? Will you? How?
And remember that just telling what has happened to you is not enough and that this process is not an instant happening. Healing and ending effects takes time. And it takes healthy and well assistance and leadership to full empowerment.
The organizers must build their own self - their own healthiness and then the people will come and join them in a great circle of living life - healthy and well - in balance and harmony. This is our natural way.
This is real truth for us and this is ONLY how we will reconcile with our self and with one another.
humbly, Jaye La Vallee - info AT spirit-warrior DOT ca
Please write and speak what is in yur heart and mind.
The mistakes of today in parenting will belived out by our children. They will at first feel hurt and confused, angry and ashamed of us and by us as parents. They then will either distance themselves from us as parents if they are strong enough or angry enough or they will stay close in an emotional-incestuous way and this is a lot of times because of our dysfunctional control over them.
Sometimes we will confuse our loving them and honoring them and looking after them with over controling and really what we are doing is "using the child to keep us from facing our own losses as a child and our own difficulty in getting adult relationship love". Within the child, they will sometimes look after us - parents - using this same broken relating.
In my own life as a child from dysfunctional parenting, I also missed my parents and never understood why... it took for me a whole lot of therapy to understand and re-establish what love was - and is really, truly a healthier approach to learning parenting.
It all starts with wanting to... needless to say - your child will show you the way to see if you need help parenting.
We should all wish to do our best in raising our children, but that is not the reality. Some parents are ignorantly stuck in trying to fix their losses with their children and some will intentionally hurt their child and never ever do anything to resolve this.
There is help and there is support to parent better.
The Damage is Done
There is a growing group of people who will not, who cannot get connected long enough to sensitive thinking to even choose to let someone help them out of their troubled life. Too many will never get it into the position to allow themselves to let in the support to work with the strength of others strong enough and well enough to enter into the "spiritual war" with them as partners and to begin to fight for their freedom... This is not as difficult as acknowledging the tremendous requirements to endure the length of time and the intensity of the journey to wellness. These are all part of the process of opening your eyes, your words and your heart.
Even while the extreme damage is done to many of us... and faith and hope are misused and now confuse many of us, evn those who play like they know it... some of us will return home.
Many of us have already died, but do not hesitste, many more of us are dying now and most from self-inflicted disease and wounds... but do you care? How can you care as you avoid the truth of our present state and the solution? And how can you sit back and wait for someone else to step in for you? If you really want to do right, then help... you are needed by someone.
Pray AND go for the real strength to begin to learn to live healthy and well and lead "your" others out of the old paradigm forever.
The damage is done, severely... the solution is stronger.
You just got to want it. Do you?
NOBODYs PERFECT
And anybody who says that you are trying to be perfect, when you are working at making healthy changes in your life because you have lived dysfunctionally, then, I say that they are hiding, something and afraid that they maske be "outed" for something that they are doing that has hurt someone significantly.
A person shared with me that they were trying to stay clean and sober, but they had their "X" coming by and when that "X" was drinking and/or drugging AND they just happen to visit their child at the same time... the other one who wasn't into any type of "healing change" program, would find the person unwilling to engage in "old hurtful stuff"... here comes the "old hook"!
The old hook is to say something to make the "working on them self" person feel bad by saying something like "You'll never amount to anything, drunk or sober, you dirty so-and-so. You're just trying to be perfec' or somethin'"
So this person, sometimes falls down and struggles staying clean and sober and yet, they cannot see the reality of the continuing of the relating in any way with their "old trigger" person. Trigger! never mind trigger, it is more like a loaded gun held at the head of someone on fire with a gasoline can in their hands too. Explosive!
The saddest part of this story is that they are both lonely, but one doesn't want to face their brokenness. This is a tragedy really, because they both meet at their children's place and both have brought alcohol, arrived there drunk and just visiting their grandchildren.
It must be seen for what this is... The links of these people are so deep and so strong, so sad and yet, so familiar. Their is such a death-like gripping for damaged people to stay connected even while and even after they have done such deep damage to one another. Even after they have experienced horrendous life traumas, they cannot look at just how serious the damage is and how they are passing it on.
So in desperation, they will cling to each other, through their damage, their imperfections... to the death. And should one try to break the trauma bond, either will "fight". And will unknowingly or unwittingly, cause deeper damage.
So when a person is looking to get away to break free of their old-common dysfunctional life, one of the most common-old attacks is to saysomething like, "Nobodys perfect, not even you. So why try."
It is very difficult to overcome years of trauma and abuse and being dysfunctional... it is even, impossible to stop the abuse when you are lonley. This person has had some sobriety - days. And now they call when drunk and drugged.
The two are not back, living together, but they relating to die to together.
It is not about perfect, it is about being conscious and aware and then knowing how to and this includes having the "inner strength" to doing the right conscientious thing about facing loneliness and truth. This truth is painful and can only be resolved with help... and boundaries with those you think you love and who think they love you.
No irony to this story just sadness and maybe a little hope cause the one still calls. Maybe just maybe, they will want to work the process.
Blessings shared.