It is no secret that I personally tried most of the different professional helpers and healers and many traditional people as well to change my life. I believe that each of them tried to assist me as best they could. Some had very limited, even poor ability. I have written about my struggles with others and with my own self in working on do healing change in my own problems. Though I too part in many modalities of healing change / behavior modification and emotional intelligence, I eventually accepted that I needed to understand and deal relevantly and effectively with emotions and relating and relationships. I chose people who accepted my self and my struggles and my problems. I always thought how difficult it is for me to face my wrongs and all the difficulties I had and still have in my own life. So I really know how that sometimes hope and faith and belief are hard to keep, even once you think that you understand them.
Crime is rampant here! Crime is rampant for too many "Aboriginals"! Courts are backed-up. Jails are over-crowded and dangerously explosive. More than 70% are "Indians or Aboriginals". The Canadian Aboriginal Truth and Reconciliation just ended here. City of Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada: Murder and Crime Capital of Canada |
Manipulation, Arrogance, Tricks, Ignorance, Elitism -
Are not to be part of healing change for anyone and anyone taking part in a healing change process must be given honesty, directness and of course compassion. The person(s) facilitating must be able to demonstrate the capacity and ability to relate to the participants and the reasons they are taking part and yet, the larger social problems must be addressed in
The process of healing change is a definite one. It is definite in that anyone entering into it will be affected in a positive way. This positive way is where they will be stimulated to know what is needed to face within their lifestyle and with their personal self. Part of this is to look at their present lifestyle and their ways of doing life. What is most important about this healing change is to establish a proper and relevant relationship within the process for everyone and that this relating must conducted with honesty and compassion. Honesty must served by all for all. And it must be in the only way honest is - honest! And yet, compassion and intelligence must be the foundation of this good way.
Real strong healthy and well - fully participatory and functional relating must be the basis of this process of relating between the facilitator and the participant will be set to establish trust. This will take place by explaining the re-training with emphasis on the basic elements of the techniques will be. At first
An example of systemic violence - At the Winnipeg Truth and Reconciliation I witnessed - heard one man - an Aboriginal man - an Anglican Minister - compare the attempts of the Aboriginal people here the truth and reconciliation here in Winnipeg, Manitoba to the black people of the Congo... he said that the suffering of the Black peoples suffering was real and that "Indians" here - complain to much. These confessions or attempts to deal and heal from our present troubled situation is really "complaining". He said this as his grandchildren sat there. I bite my tongue and understood that shame was a huge factor in this man's life... I also believe that he found escape and not acceptance in his choice of faith, belief and religion. I prayed for him and others around him. Enough for now. Pilamaya, Mitakuye Oyasin
"Build it and they will come"
This is what is said in the movie "Field of Dreams" - This is where a farmer turns his corn field is turned into a baseball field so that baseball greats - now ghosts - can have a place to be real - to play baseball once again and he can experience a loss of his father.
Sounds simple enough to just build a place and those needing will come and really use it. This is only in the movies especially when it comes to the Canadian Aboriginal Truth and Reconciliation Process.
TRUTH AND RECONCILIATION
Good intention is only wonderful if and when those people in charge are honest and healed about their own problematic relating and their own mistrust, fear, harshness and hostility towards our very own people. And this is the un-preparedness and lack of capacity which I am saying is being overlooked and avoided - at the cost of all people. This is what is wrong... again!
This truth and reconciliation process of Aboriginal or Native Canadians is flawed! While it has been fashioned after the process implemented in South Africa which was formed to deal with the ugly and disturbing behaviors of apartheid in South Africa. It was not designed to resolve or heal the affects and results within the people who were abused during this racist era of apartheid. It also could not deal with the lateral violations. Neither Black on Black, tribe against tribe or colored against others were addressed in any depth. Oh sure pain was expressed, but the deep affects were not - I repeat - were not resolved or healed. The process in South Africa was to address and resolve the SOME of the crimes, the atrocities by the oppressors and to some extent SOME of the lateral violence amongst the oppressed.
Next week June 2010 - Here in Canada - Winnipeg - the very organizers are struggling with the magnitude of this task. They are already claiming our people will not show up. WHY? Their task is to implement the Canadian rendition of South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Process. These organizers or leaders are struggling because of their own ignorance! Sadly, this is a natural part of the un-preparedness of the attempts to support, assist and help our people to heal... as I said earlier. They do not see and they do NOT want to see that this what is behind their attitudes and the cause of the reluctance of so many of OUR "aboriginal" people to NOT WANT TO TAKE PART in this Native Canadian Truth and Reconciliation process. Do they not see their part in the mistrust?
Our ingrained ignorance is so very difficult to accept. And perhaps right now - you are a person who cannot - will not and does not want to see the truth about how we abuse each other. And how we play into the dysfunction of the present "helping" system. Can you accept why OUR very people are the cause as to why our very own people do not want to attend AND can you accept why so many of our own will not be supported or helped directly to attend? Do you realize that hundreds of "particularly selected" helper / healers / support workers and government people are already "looked after" and PAID MONEY to wait for OUR PEOPLE TO COME FORWARD. Do you really think that they will go in front of "elite" strangers and tell their pain and shame?
There are a whole lot of residential survivors and their families, friends, and affected acquaintances... who will not venture from the familiar environment and go amongst those who "appear" to be elitists and specially favored.
The PROCESS of Truth and Reconciliation for Canada's Aboriginal people is another application of a healing process for making real, lasting, positive change from some deep, deep disturbing anti-social lifestyle and living ways afflicting too many aboriginal people here. It is another inefficient (really not sensitively thought-out, nor skillfully prepared understanding and methodology) attempt by some of the same people (with the same dysfunctions) to implement another healing attempt for Aboriginal people. This process which hopes and claims to do healing change from the effects, affects and the results of historical and generational imbedded distorted and disturbed behaviors from colonizers and colonization and particularly the deep, deep abuse resulting from residential schools... and don't forget foster care and other societal institutions.
This process will not succeed. And not because I am writing this.
It will not succeed because at he core is the "Process" is really limited thinking on the part of the PEOPLE who thought if this particular approach and then the people who said let's do it this way and use this methodology. And please remember and not forget that the original person "selected or chosen" to lead this process was "manipulated and coerced" out of their position of leading and the process was wrought with intimidation and fighting amongst our own healing leaders. These are the healthy leaders which the very people to be helped must aspire to be like or look forward to doing life with!
This process will be a success for a few people in that it will help them to get enough freedom - hope - to deal with the disturbance within their own-self and within their family and community.
** For the amount of money being spent. Spent most on the support staff... and NOT ON GETTING THE VICTIMS OF THE RECENT (last 100 years) "INDIAN" RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS to get to the "meeting place" of "beginning again" the healing process of Aboriginal people. **
This process will be a failure in that it will not help or address enough people to make any sustainable measure of support or resource for helping anyone else. Hence the truth and reconciliation process will only cause a little diversion from the generational and historical shame and pain of our learned and embedded dysfunctional living. This truth and reconciliation is another dog and pony show, another smoke and mirrors trick of healing change... which will give little to the cost in dollars and little in addressing the extreme damage resulting from generations of oppression, suppression and lateral violence amongst our own people.
What is right with the Truth and Reconciliation of Canada?
Good intention is not enough!
Especially when it the process is run by people who are not fully aware, nor prepared and will not relate as equals and in the good StrongHeart way and keep every one safe and loved and able to express all disturbances and distortions to resolution. The organizers - in my opinion - intentionally cannot and will not fully prepare because they cannot.
If they did they would have healed themselves first - fully.
In their present state they cannot manage the enormity and degree of damage done to our people and this is what they people know too.
Also there is the harshness demonstrated amongst us and by the organizers - the intelligent or ignorant lateral violence we now do so skillfully.
This is the same stuff which caused the first headman of Canada's truth and reconciliation process to leave... intimidation and coercion.
This type of ugly treatment is very difficult to address and even more difficult to get anyone to admit to, especially by people in power and in charge.
I continue to work with individuals - Native people and others - ALL PEOPLES. I have experienced the harshness of our people and I have committed this harshness.. It is based in fear and shame and this is what must be healed in each of us. First, we must address this lateral violating. And we must first address this as healers helpers. And when we plan these strategies we must consider our own biases, our own prejudices, our own shame - this is what the people feel from us and this is what makes any process unworthy of them sharing their spiritual journey with us... any of us.
Good intention and good catchy phrases mean very little when our people's respect, integrity and dignity are being dishonored and played with... so you can build something and yet, you must be able to be an active part of the process... you are not above the people who were made to feel as sub-humans and had all their worth disturbed. Remember colonization made some of very own people the "overseers" the people in charge over their own - our own.
The answer is not money and was shown by the money paid out to survivors and yet, if you pay for a whole lot of helpers... expect the people to see this as another "Hang-around-the-fort-indian-ACT"
This Canadian process is flawed! And must be more than a show for "public understanding" and perhaps sympathy. Very few of our people - Canada's victims - and their families and relatives will come forward. The troubled lifestyle and inclusion in mainstream society will not get better. The damage and damaging will continue.
I see the un-prepared organizers as opportunists who will play the game, make their money and provide more excuses for the bigots and racists to see they results of this latest ill-prepared attempt at resolving the effects of our colonization as a waste. The process has started again and again it is not well or healthy. Who suffers? We all will as we all do now. When you come to know and feel confident... when you can feel safe to admit that you are wrong... you must do this - Admit this and be open and honest and honorable and heal your self. Can you? Will you? How?
And remember that just telling what has happened to you is not enough and that this process is not an instant happening. Healing and ending effects takes time. And it takes healthy and well assistance and leadership to full empowerment.
The organizers must build their own self - their own healthiness and then the people will come and join them in a great circle of living life - healthy and well - in balance and harmony. This is our natural way.
This is real truth for us and this is ONLY how we will reconcile with our self and with one another.
humbly, Jaye La Vallee - info AT spirit-warrior DOT ca
Please write and speak what is in yur heart and mind.
The mistakes of today in parenting will belived out by our children. They will at first feel hurt and confused, angry and ashamed of us and by us as parents. They then will either distance themselves from us as parents if they are strong enough or angry enough or they will stay close in an emotional-incestuous way and this is a lot of times because of our dysfunctional control over them.
Sometimes we will confuse our loving them and honoring them and looking after them with over controling and really what we are doing is "using the child to keep us from facing our own losses as a child and our own difficulty in getting adult relationship love". Within the child, they will sometimes look after us - parents - using this same broken relating.
In my own life as a child from dysfunctional parenting, I also missed my parents and never understood why... it took for me a whole lot of therapy to understand and re-establish what love was - and is really, truly a healthier approach to learning parenting.
It all starts with wanting to... needless to say - your child will show you the way to see if you need help parenting.
We should all wish to do our best in raising our children, but that is not the reality. Some parents are ignorantly stuck in trying to fix their losses with their children and some will intentionally hurt their child and never ever do anything to resolve this.
There is help and there is support to parent better.
The Damage is Done
There is a growing group of people who will not, who cannot get connected long enough to sensitive thinking to even choose to let someone help them out of their troubled life. Too many will never get it into the position to allow themselves to let in the support to work with the strength of others strong enough and well enough to enter into the "spiritual war" with them as partners and to begin to fight for their freedom... This is not as difficult as acknowledging the tremendous requirements to endure the length of time and the intensity of the journey to wellness. These are all part of the process of opening your eyes, your words and your heart.
Even while the extreme damage is done to many of us... and faith and hope are misused and now confuse many of us, evn those who play like they know it... some of us will return home.
Many of us have already died, but do not hesitste, many more of us are dying now and most from self-inflicted disease and wounds... but do you care? How can you care as you avoid the truth of our present state and the solution? And how can you sit back and wait for someone else to step in for you? If you really want to do right, then help... you are needed by someone.
Pray AND go for the real strength to begin to learn to live healthy and well and lead "your" others out of the old paradigm forever.
The damage is done, severely... the solution is stronger.
You just got to want it. Do you?
NOBODYs PERFECT
And anybody who says that you are trying to be perfect, when you are working at making healthy changes in your life because you have lived dysfunctionally, then, I say that they are hiding, something and afraid that they maske be "outed" for something that they are doing that has hurt someone significantly.
A person shared with me that they were trying to stay clean and sober, but they had their "X" coming by and when that "X" was drinking and/or drugging AND they just happen to visit their child at the same time... the other one who wasn't into any type of "healing change" program, would find the person unwilling to engage in "old hurtful stuff"... here comes the "old hook"!
The old hook is to say something to make the "working on them self" person feel bad by saying something like "You'll never amount to anything, drunk or sober, you dirty so-and-so. You're just trying to be perfec' or somethin'"
So this person, sometimes falls down and struggles staying clean and sober and yet, they cannot see the reality of the continuing of the relating in any way with their "old trigger" person. Trigger! never mind trigger, it is more like a loaded gun held at the head of someone on fire with a gasoline can in their hands too. Explosive!
The saddest part of this story is that they are both lonely, but one doesn't want to face their brokenness. This is a tragedy really, because they both meet at their children's place and both have brought alcohol, arrived there drunk and just visiting their grandchildren.
It must be seen for what this is... The links of these people are so deep and so strong, so sad and yet, so familiar. Their is such a death-like gripping for damaged people to stay connected even while and even after they have done such deep damage to one another. Even after they have experienced horrendous life traumas, they cannot look at just how serious the damage is and how they are passing it on.
So in desperation, they will cling to each other, through their damage, their imperfections... to the death. And should one try to break the trauma bond, either will "fight". And will unknowingly or unwittingly, cause deeper damage.
So when a person is looking to get away to break free of their old-common dysfunctional life, one of the most common-old attacks is to saysomething like, "Nobodys perfect, not even you. So why try."
It is very difficult to overcome years of trauma and abuse and being dysfunctional... it is even, impossible to stop the abuse when you are lonley. This person has had some sobriety - days. And now they call when drunk and drugged.
The two are not back, living together, but they relating to die to together.
It is not about perfect, it is about being conscious and aware and then knowing how to and this includes having the "inner strength" to doing the right conscientious thing about facing loneliness and truth. This truth is painful and can only be resolved with help... and boundaries with those you think you love and who think they love you.
No irony to this story just sadness and maybe a little hope cause the one still calls. Maybe just maybe, they will want to work the process.
Blessings shared.
EMOTIONAL DIGNITY - MAINTAINING YOUR SAFETY WHILE EXERCISING YOUR EMPOWERED STATE OF HEALING EXPRESSION
In this revealing healing work of psycho-social talk of emotional content and the learned ways of doing relationships, each of us must come to the inner acceptance and this is inner knowing that whatever you share can AND WILL cause others who hear it, too become more shamed and more fearful, This is the triggering effect that many people speak about - most don't really fully understand if even though they can say that what you are talking about causing me to feel angry and defensive WITH YOU (the teller/speaker)!
This type of intimate sharing must be done in an environment, a setting that is safe and structured for sure... AND before this process begins there must be a clear precise AGREED upon ste of guidelines and rules. Very much the same ones that all counsellors, therapists and psycho-social mental health helpers must follow. Rules of conduct.
The relationship must be followed by both parties and specifically understood and agreed to before hand.
And it must be taken step by step and graually, simple because many people have been so deeply affected by their trumatic abuse, that they can turn their "blame and shame on you as the helper". This is a reality... because the person who is seeking help has never felt an power to sort what happended and why their abuse happened to them and really what the process to resolving the issues around it really are... Many have learned to silently guard, ready to speak about horrendous events in their lives and they really have no safe and helpful protection and resolving skills to circumvent the opening of the old "pains and shames". And it is their deep defenses of "wanting to lash out, disembowel/castrate/mutilate or tear apart their victimizers/perpetrators... When this happens, cnagces are that all conscious awarteness is disturbed and real attackes can take place. This displaced retribution and this can be more shameful-damaging for the person wanting to heal the their original. After all they have no proven methods of openess and healthy intimacy... this is the legacy of carry years of unresolved perpetration, especially sexual violations. This never gets healed especially when in adult-hood, permanent sexual desease are contacted or sexual-deviant or ditrubed lifestyle are now embedded.
Speaking is done publically only when there is the proper forum and when the preamble explains the process of the methods and the purpose of this way as well as the foucus and the goals and keepin in mind that there is NO INADVERTENT allusions to sexual expolitaton or and gratuitous "pornographic stimulating sensationalizing of deviance".
It must be astablished immediately that speaking of horrendous traumatic sexual violation can and will "cause" sexual stumulation that brings up fellings and thoughts of being molested and degraded again and again. And the only way is to deal like old negative times and this is not easily stopped when this starts.
Some people will go away and ad the helper to their list of hated, dispised perpetrators... and is usually because they were "triggered" AND they could not follow the process... this is not that they did not want to and they just said NO! They only do what they are used to doing... and that is controlling the people around them... this is a form of deviant sexualizing... because it is is one way realting and it is not open and honest and their is no mechanism to "view their initial resons and motivation for exploringt and challenging their "inner" understanding of themselves and how and why they part for so long and why their significant others allowe it or did to them.
Great care must be taken when you share about your victimhood and especially your wrong doings AND THIS is because MOST unhealed victimd have become helpers themselves and have adopted a harsh "vigilanty" style of destroy punish and NOT provide proper treatment for sex offenders and or violent offenders.
This connected to why many Native Americans will keep on never letting into their minds that they will ever want to "trust another white person ever again"... ironically, they will never trust even their own... because the damage is so deep AND by being close to another human being leaves then open to further abuse by being "outed" or by being found out as "sitting disturbed victim" who really doesn't know how to "relate" with all their pent-up built up disturbances.
Fight flight or "fuck-up" others like they've been fucked-up"!
Think about this, it is a process of sharing and it takes time to build up the trust and capacity to handle our own stuff... afterall, each of us have lived our dysfunction.
Be careful and cautious... this is not like telling your spouse who you end up screwing each other around and then adding each other to your list of THE MOST HATED VICTIMIZER/ABUSER/PERPETRATOR IN YOUR HISTORY OF MISERABLE LIFE.
This is a synopsis of one aspect of this process... you can blame at first, yet, you will have to face that you must accept full responsibilty to keep your self well balanced and safe and harmonious. Especially in this life of social responsibilty.
U-R-BAN Aboriginal
What do you call us? Or dare I ask what do you think of us? I go as far as to invite you - the ones of us who claim being part indian - think of your self in relationship to those other "not doing so good indians". So here in this good country Canada, people have a difficult time calling us. Confusion reigns... and there is a never-ending slime of convenience... of stumbling over-their inherent ignorance, prevailing from with those bleeding-heart do-gooders who actually "trained" to help us. They live to help us - the disadvantaged marginalized "indians" of today.
And while some of them are so screwed-up themselves to do anything worthwhile, they still conveniently and systematically claim at the trough to be helping us. Realistically they actually know that they are "milking" the tits of hand-out money provided by the "indian agent"-cies of this society. Like child-molesters at the kid's fair they lurch around... like the government, the education system, the core, the source of the systemic disease... they are work "on us, with us" fix us. BUT they do not even know how to call us!
Growing up as a kid I often heard us to be book-called, technically called "savages" or "murderous savages" or even as my relatives would say "sauvage" (in our mixed-blood language Mihif) along with other derogatory names in front this word meaning savage. This and other very ugly affronting name-calling pierced me. More slurs of fuckin' indian or fuckin' dirty indian or fuckin' drunken indian or fuckin' lazy indian and many other expletive stigmatizing fuckin' names that preceded the murders and the raping and the soul-murdering... dehumanizing conditioning. HEY YOU! Maybe by seeing and hearing this you will come to know why even our own "indian-looking ones" hated and killed our own. By the way this is the deadly shame of lateral violence. This is why so many Metis or Half-breeds of today did not want to be called or known as "indians"... Because of this may people did not want to be "indian" and if you called them this they would f'n kill you or try to. And I am not referring to the real Indians of India. I am referring to some todays top leadership and program administrators and those in the business of promoting Metis and other cultural sensitivity entertainment and training workshops. The ugly degrading side of the "indian" name has stuck and all of its ugliness has been embedded, entrenched into our North American mindset and that of the world... this ignorant description of us... is even done by us to us and about us.
So are you still an Indian?
If you are an "Indian" then you are an Indian. If you are part "Indian" then you are either an unregistered "Indian" or a "Non-Status" as some people say or you are registered as an "Indian" with a number and a tribe enrollment number. But wait, there is also another way if claiming your "Indian" blood... you may now find it safer or even more rewarding or financially beneficial to claim your "Indian" blood by saying you are a Metis... or not. By the way Metis, where and only are the Indian and French mixed bloods. Not the English or other nationalities. A good example of this is the people of African or of the black race are called "Mulatto". Another confusing way to claim "Indian" heritage without the stigma is to claim that you are an Aboriginal! And if you live in a city, then you just maybe an URBAN ABORIGINAL! Or if you find it more profitable to be part of a race of people who
A study has just been released. The study is on "urban aboriginal people". It is reported to be done with 2,614 people who are either Status or Non-Status "Indians" or Registered, Metis, Inuit, and a few other tribes... I think Dene also. Someone selected a few "indians" in this country and as far as I can determine they presented a confusing message.
The confusion is one that says - we are proud and progressive and working towards bettering our position in this society... BUT the people who did this study WON'T see that the majority of the "indians" interviewed SAY that they KNOW! Not just believe that each of them are experiencing racism AND each of them are affected and effected by racism and prejudiced - either directly or by carry over from the effects of other "indians" who are keeping and / or bringing the image of "indians" down... like in the olden days.
What is missing is the truth about the internal affects of the way society views and treats us and interacts with us AND how this causes us to treat each other.
We "fuck" our people up by being too afraid to lose our place at the "money trough" or at the ass-sucking conventions... we will not dare challenge your own complacency and your pathetic apathetic approach to telling the truth to your own fucked-up-ness, thus making room to truly resolving our vicitmhood and our victimizing paradigm AND that of the trained helpers.
Of the last 15 separate family members that I have seen - 6 separate families - have children, who have been convicted or are being charged with murder. Murder of own own people... our own kind... our own aboriginal! And most do not know the shame they feel that makes it easier to kill our own.
So do you think I give a fuck if any of you who read my sharings attack me! I don't. Too many people contact me to say I want to face myself and face my children or my wife and stop my abuse. Not one of the people who have come to work with me to save their children or their family member or themselves have ever attacked me. Many have gotten ashamed, yet, have thanked me... and they have all gone on to focus more on their healing to prepare themselves to help their loved ones.
This study must help to face the results of how these 2,614 URBAN Aboriginals deal with the how they are affected, influenced to live intimately and in community with others of us.
I know that it is not easy to tell your sickness and even after doing real healing work we must be humble and with clear humility, we must remember to light the way for others to come with us.
Please pray for Kerry and his family... and the young man who was stabbed while he was in a drunken stupor, while taking a "break" from giving susceptible children his anti-gang "confusing message / schpeel"... perhaps addressing his alcoholism would be a better healthy modeling first step. We must face this together... and we will.
Whether you are an Urban Aboriginal or Bleeding Heart.
Mitakuye Oyasin
You are the center of the universe and as you go through life you will see it. This is not about selfish or self-centered when you show care and compassion for others and actually help-out others who are less fortunate than you.
Just think about what you think about your self... and notice what you feel about you. If is not good then think of why and find someone who will help you to make sense of your belief about you.
I say that you are the center of the universe in the way that you are born fully worthy of love and that love is only one way - true and good. And that with all good care, nurturing and affection and good modelling... you grow to know and live this.
When a child is given the truest way of love and nurturing nourishment, then they just go on in a natural connected way.
The biggest most important factor of this "born sacred and connectedness" is that, those people, who raised you - did so, do so ONLY in the good way. Not wacked out or disturbed or distorted style of "love".
You are born as a gift to humankind... and they are gifts to you.
I pray that I keep finding those who will share their goodness with me and I pray that those ones who come around me and are wounded, that they, know and understand why I get them away from me.
I understand that anyone who has been abused as a child or neglected, can and most likely will do or atempt to do the same or similiar type of abuse to me... this includes me. And so I must know that I am worth only love... and this is all I have room for.
In my work with people, I help others know that they deserve only love... and that they must know - emphatically - what abuse is and what love is. Then they will begin to improve their lives and love.
Blessings shared
Jaye La Vallee - Akicita Wakan Mani
YOUR KEY IS TO KNOW, TO HOLD, TO USE AND TO KEEP WITHIN THE SOURCE OF THE POWER.
Take this source of power. Go get it!
The source of power: the source of energy: the relationship of the light with it's source of power to light the end of the tunnel. The light illuminates the way to freedom. The light is not the freedom. The light is working from being able to use the power offered it or given to it... causing it to shine bright!
The light guides you to see and do the path in the good way for you.
The freedom is living the healthy and well way.
The light at the end of the proverbial tunnel of dysfunctional lifestyle comes from a source and uses this same power which will turn you onto releasing your self from old hopelessness, generational mistrust, and free you from disguised anger and shame which causes us such misery and isolation.
So many of the ways to do healing. So many ways to make positive change in people in this world today. Yet, most ways are systemically prejudiced and seeped in their own historical and generational dysfunction... the people of these are too. This is what makes them severely limited. yet, their supporters swear by their power. They'll all calmly, yet, boldly claim to help people out of chronic and self perpetuating dysfunctional lifestyle... marginalized people in trouble and suffering in this world...they too, generation after generation.
But, time after time, death after death, suicide after suicide... failure after failure in vain attempts by so-calledprepared professionals hawking their change program and after we failagain... those in charge claim, "We did our best." while the majority of mainstream society's detractors about us mutter, "See I told you that wouldn't help them, because they won't help themselves."
SO WHY AND HOW DO YOU KEEP DOING THE SAME OLD, SAME OLD?
WE need to see and say it loud that many times the same ways are appliedover over again by the same people and with their same old systemic mind-set of"Do as I say and not as I do".
And we get the same old results.
The solution is to face and admit to these failures...failures of the people implementing the present systems and thesystems short-comings.
Can't any of us see that many times the same ways areapplied and by the same people and with the same old systemicmind-set of "Do as I say and not as I do".
The solution is to implement emotional re-connectingprograms and re-education of our emotional living... resolving it.
Moreto come.
The Wrong Way to Freedom
What is freedom without truth? And what is truth without freedom?
And how does anyone solve their mysteries of fear and mistrust, especially when they have an elaborate complicated way of covering and confusing what is fully functional healthy and free living?
I fought all my life for my freedom... though my perception of freedom was tainted with a deeply embedded disdain for the establishment. Half of me wanted to live in harmony with people, but only partly-with some people that I could prove were trustworthy.
The key here is: "People whom I could PROVE to be trustworthy".
This statement is why it is so very important to have anyone who come to see me for assistance, that I tell them exactly what is and how I know about applying these techniques of behavior modification and the re-adjusting of the belief system to real life... my own "imperfect life"! All this which I share with them in this training... I let them know that I actually did it. I applied them to my own healing of my troubles in my life and I don't dare act as if I am finished or perfect. I let them internalize that they can and will have power over old troubling thoughts, beliefs and reactions to relationships in their life.
I work with them straight-forward to see what and how trust is presently in them. And sometimes it is verydistorted and disturbed and unrealistic. I let them experientially feel this and see my struggles and then - the we work on the solution.
For each and every person who goes athealing change in their live... each of us must come to the knowing ofwhat mistrust is and how and what it was that I - YOU - didn't and don't trust with and about others. Especially when they come with life-changing ways - scary ways - andwith "their advice". I come to internalize where andwhy my distortion lie.
I agree openly to share with theanother human being the practicality of intelligently and emotionally re-doing these and other issues of trust and mistrust andshowing my old coping and surviving ways of "faking it" inrelationship... I openly do to those "true realistic steps" of applications of healing change.
Together we go into a conscientious relating while putting forward stressors from our real life history... which unifies our "practical" relationship as we go on to understand as we do these controlled situations of testing and acknowledging our ways of doing life.
I like to say this with some sense - There is NO sustainable gain without good safe games and no games without clear acknowledgement of boundaries, guidelines and rules of engagement... while remembering the reasons why WE are in the first place. There is No gain without expressing the pain in a re-construction way. After all we are not the reasons for our dysfunction, yet, we are the ones charged with change.
I to still work on establishing my relating in a trusting and trustworthy way... I am still sometimes naive in doing relating.
Proveto yourself that you are trustworthy and keep your sense about whatyour old dysfunctional ways were and are all about... then you willhave safety and healing energy.
We've all heard such valiant war cries like: fight the good fight: pick your battles: might for right and others
I have
THE WOUNDED WARRIOR - FIGHTING ALL LIFE LONG
MY Strongest Feeling right now: happy
MY innerthought processing, my knowing: I share openly and honestly to keep my inner harmony and balance
I am happy to be able to share about my feelings and thoughts and choose to maintain my recovery
I spent my life in "fight" mode. That is after Igot some ability, though misguided, to cover-up my fear and shame. I mean that I am aware that I have fought since I was a little boy... too long too much. And that even though I know this now - today - that I must be vigilant to be able to know the difference between fighting violently andviolating-ly, like controlling people to the point of obstructingtheir freedom and just being addicted to mistrust and aggressiveness -to the point of anti-social behavior. Or self-destructive behaviorsuch as abusing myself and others through violence, drugs, alcohol andother dysfunctional ways... even those ways of teaching thesignificant ones in our lives to be just like us - me.
Ever since I can remember I have had to fight. Oh you say, you didn't have to! Tell a little boy raisedin violation and violence and put-downs and shut-ups. Raisedwhere he sees his parents and significant others arguing fighting andbeing negative about others and life itself. Even though I tried to be a good person most of the timeand most of the time, I did do this, I would sometimes, reluctantly, choose not to be - good - that is. Not good, I did thistoo often! I used to think I completely knew why I choose fight.And after choosing to be aggressive or fight or "stand-up and bedefensive" I would feel and think worse of myself. Evenwhen I knew I could not let that person take a "littleadvantage" of me or with me.
For too long mypersona was to "tough" and un-vulnerable". An actI learned and misunderstood. Call me ignorant andpugnacious. I was. I am. And I know this is a deeply conditioned side of me. Some times I needed to be defensive and even violent...though today I know that I violence only begets violence. Idon't want that or I want to talk about my feelings and share them in an appropriate manner every time as I stay safe and honorable.
Other times I could not because I was in that disturbed place and I "wanted to fight and express self. Here is in my greatest distorted and disturbed state of power - not empowerment - violence, intimidation and coercionover others. I feared being over-run being taken advantage of.
Imisjudged many situations... both for the safety of myself and for the safety of others. I mishandled too many situations in my life badly... and I end-up feeling such shame "so bad" that I would hide my spiral of shame which made me even harder. I need help to see this in a more acceptable way because my "act ofpride" said don't trust anyone and don't tell the WHOLE truth.
Ihad to see WITHOUT EXCUSE OR FILTERING just how in my life. I was conditioned to fight. How I used this conditioning as an excuse... and just how this way of life impacted my relationships of family, home, work, play and every aspect of my living. What a sight I had to see and feel! I had to understand and resolve this within me and with witnesses.
As a Native North American Indian, I learned to fight even more... kind of like being "shell-shocked" as a child... post traumatic stress disorder happens when you have no more room for traumatic happenings and you either join in and take control through violence or some other negative way of coping, surviving - living with some control over the disturbing belief and morals that have developed within your - my - lifestyle. I fought too much too long and Iconvinced my self that I was right and that I had to win... at least most of the time. I was wrong and I knew it most of the time, though I certainly could not, would not admit this.
Ibelieve today, that we have had to fight for so long and that injustices still go on, that we must step back and access our fight and ourways of fighting and clean up within our circle and stop fighting.
Wemust recognize our damage inside and right these wrongs first. As we do this we support each other and allow each other to feel love and care to grow together once again.
I see and know that in learning to understand and resolve old hurts that these are the primary beginnings to learning how to appropriately live healthy and well still express the ways resolve our struggles whichare our real fights. There are new fights and new struggles andwith no more hurting of self dignity and our integrity... we can stand and become free. We will live free. All of us.
There is much more to the generational and historical effects of thisway we've been affected... yet, we must simplify or resolution. Blessings shared, Jimmy